Life Can Now Go On
by Nuttyginger
Summary: Angel has to deal with losing someone dear to him-set after "Reunion"


Disclaimer: They belong to Joss, and all those rich people at WB, Fox and Mutant (Grr, arr) Enemy. Not me! Get It?  
Classification: Angst, Romance and Angel/Cordelia  
Set after "Reunion" but not following the story after "Shansu To LA." I have just  
read an Episode guide to "Reunion" and thought about this:  
WARNING: Contains themes of death, terminal illness, suicide, and adoption and  
other things that make a really weepy story. I thought I would warn you as people  
are sensitive to these subjects.  
Authors Note: I wrote this while watching 'Deep Impact' and the pilots were all  
saying goodbye and I was trying to right Cordelias letter so as you can imagine I am  
crying Bucket loads here. And the Lyrics are 'I'll Remember You' by Sophie  
Zelmani.  
**************************************************************************************************************  
  
Wesley, Gunn and Cordelia sat in front of Angel shock displayed on their  
faces. They sat there unable to take in the news that Angel had just fired them.  
Gunn and Wesley left the office with a slam of the door. Angel turned around to  
find Cordelia still standing there with her hands placed, quite firmly, on her hips.   
"Cordelia what are you still doing here? I've fired you. Could you leave  
please. I have nothing to say." Angel said his eyes to the floor.  
"Hold it buster, don't think your getting away with it that easily. What the  
hell do you think you are doing? You can't fire me. I have these damn visions for a  
start. What am I meant to do with them now?"   
"Now I no longer want your services The Powers That Be will take them  
away from you. You've suffered enough already now please leave or I'll have to..."  
Angel turned away pretending to file.  
"Or you'll what, bite me. I think not. I don't think that PTB are going to  
take way these things do you? I am not going to suffer mind-numbing,  
leg-crumbling and down right icky visions for you if I don't work for you. I didn't  
ask for the damn things did I?! She lapsed into a daydream about the night Doyle  
had died, when he had kissed her. She snapped back to reality to continue her  
onslaught on Angel. "And is that all I am to you? A service. You make me sound like  
a hooker. Listen I know you gave me this job out of charity then when Doyle died  
you started looking for redemption and I was just a annoying clause in that but  
please I thought we were friends. Maybe I have this Vampire-with-a-soul thing all  
wrong."  
"Cordelia listen to me. You deserve the normal life and you should, can't,  
don't have the power to go through with this whole set up. You understand?" He  
couldn't look her straight in the eye.   
"I understand perfectly, I'm not Buffy!" She withdrew, knowing as soon as  
the words left her mouth it was a mistake. She mentioned to forbidden Slayer and  
now she could kiss everything goodbye.  
  
Angel whipped around at the sound of the Slayer's name. He turned to Cordelia, his  
vamp face on. The yellow eyes burned into Cordelia. He was mad. Cordelia let out an  
almighty scream.   
"Angel I'm sorry I didn't mean...I'm so, so sorry please don't hurt me. I'll  
leave, I'm going."   
  
She was stopped as Vamped Angel caught her arm and pulled her around. He could  
see her tear-stained, fear-ridden eyes staring back at him and his vamp face  
slipped off. He could only hold her arm as she shivered from the fear.  
"Oh Cordelia I'm sorry I didn't mean... Listen to me now, I want you to go  
and live a life without me. I mean it. There is too much evil, evil. Your no Slayer and  
you can't help me in this fight. We are, were friends but all good things come to an  
end as they say. I'll make sure the visions go OK?" A bloody tear formed in his  
eyes as he fought to keep his head. Her pained expression as yet another friend  
gave up on her drove him crazy, but it had to be done for her sake. He looked up as  
he heard the door slam shut. She left him standing alone in the dusky sunshine,  
alone again. Now Cordelia was gone his tears tracked down his cheeks, letting his  
emotion do what he couldn't speak. Her scent lingered in the office for days  
driving him insane. His world crumbled and he brooded constantly but there was  
nothing else left to do.  
  
EIGHT YEARS LATER....Cordelias Parting Gift  
  
It had taken him eight whole years to realise what he had done, no he knew what  
he had done as soon as he fired Cordelia but it had taken eight years from him to  
work up the courage to face his Cordy. He slowly walked up the stairs to what was  
now her apartment. The wooden door was all that separated him from her and a  
little bit of peace since Cordelia had left. When the door opened he came face to  
face with Wesley.  
"Oh Angel, you were the last person I expected. What are you doing  
here?" Wesley asked in his straight-to-the-point English voice.  
Angels face mirrored Wesley surprise. "I am here to see Cordelia."  
Wesley's face dropped as he fought back the memories that haunted him everyday.  
"Angel I am afraid Cordelia isn't here, she'll never be here."  
"Oh I thought Cordelia lived here too. Sorry, can you tell me where she lives  
please?" Angel said not able to enter the house.  
"No Angel, Cordelia..." he hesitated for a second before clearing his throat.  
"Cordelia died a year ago, I'm so sorry, we thought you knew."  
  
Angel stumbled backward. Thoughts swirled around his head and the pit of his  
stomach feel through. His beautiful Cordelia was dead. She was dead. Wesley's  
words just swan about in his head till he felt Wesley's hand on his shoulder. Angel  
looked Wesley straight to see the moisture in his eyes portraying tears not allowed  
to fall. They both stood there in silence until Wesley invited Angel into the  
apartment. It was furnished in Cordelias style with brightly coloured walls and lots  
of lavish fabrics. It still seem bright even though it was easily 11:30 at night. As  
Angel sat down on the couch a little girl about four years old came running through  
to the living room.  
"Uncle Wesley who's this?" The little girl said pointing at Angel.  
  
Wesley placed his hand on the little girls head, "This is Angel, one of mummys old  
friends. Say hello." The little girl shied away before hesitantly coming forward.  
She took her thumb out of her mouth, "Hello Angel, pleased to meet you.  
You knew my mummy? She's gone to heaven now."  
"Wesley what does she mean, I knew her mother?" Angel asked with a  
wrinkled brow.  
"This is Angela, she is, was Cordelias daughter." Wesley answered fondly,  
stroking the girls hair.  
  
Angel reeled from another shock to his system. His Cordelia had a daughter. Who  
was the father? Why didn't she tell him? He had missed all this, why? His thoughts  
continued to circulated around his mind. Wesley silently placed a cup of tea in his  
hand.   
"Sorry we don't have coffee anymore. You must have so many questions to  
ask me but there is some things you should know first. Angela isn't Cordelias real  
daughter. A demon killed her mother and when we went back to the mothers  
apartment Angela was lying in a crib, just three weeks old. She doesn't know about  
her real mother, she thinks Cordelia was her real mum and I haven't seen any  
reason to tell her any different. Plus I think she's too young to understand about  
demons and things that go bump in the night. She also knows about Cordelias  
visions, but she just thinks that she saw people that need help and we helped  
them." Wesley finished sipping at his warm tea.  
"You mean Cordelia still got that visions after she left A.I. I asked PTB to  
take them away two weeks after you left and they said that the world would go on  
as it was before. I thought that they had taken them away to let Cordelia lead the  
life she had before the Scooby gang, a normal life. Why didn't she tell me? I could  
have helped, done something." Angel sat there just shivering  
"She found out where the Oracles were and went to them about two days  
after you sacked us to ask them to keep the visions in her head. She wanted to  
help the people, you know what she saw during the never-ending visions. She  
wanted to solve the pain and hurt she saw. She was diagnosed with cancer about a  
year after we left A.I. She had been feeling ill when we were at A.I but she  
thought it was just a cold. Anyway we tried everything, Chemo, Radiotherapy, but  
in the end she just wanted to spend her time left with Angela. She named her  
after you, you know, God knows why. Cordelia made a will as well, to make sure  
Angela had a good future. It was never meant to be like this. The mother isn't  
suppose to die before her daughter grows up. Angela coped well, Cordelia told her  
everything about her life, her past. She wanted Angela to know about everything,  
she wanted to give her the world, she did in a way. There is one more thing I want  
to tell you. Cordelia said in her will that she wanted you to take care of Angela, but  
I was only to tell you when you came looking for her. She also left a note for you  
when she knew she wasn't to be. Here."  
  
Angel took the note from Wesley and slowly opened it. He stared at Cordelias  
scriptured hand-writing and read it.  
  
Dear Angel,  
Knowing you're reading this means you've came back to me. But I am not  
here. I'm sorry I couldn't hold but when ya gotta go you gotta go. I might sound cheery  
but I'm crying. I wanna say I'm sorry. I'm sorry for so many things, like not saying  
goodbye, for storming out that day without tell you thank-you for saving my life all those  
times you did. I guess you know about Angela now, I named her after you. Please take  
care of my baby. She knows who and what you are and she thinks it's cool. I told her  
about Buffy and the others. Angela was my life now I want her to become yours. You  
were my family when my real family abandoned me. Please take care of Wesley for me, he  
hasn't anyone except Angela now that Gunn is hardly around. Angela calls him Uncle which is  
kinda cute.   
I guess you want to know why I didn't contact you when I found out I was sick.  
Well my pride was a big one there, sorry again. Then when the doctors told me there was  
no return I really wanted to call you to say hey but I couldn't. The tears are really falling  
now. Then I got all thin and icky and I didn't want to see me that way. I want you to  
remember me like I was when we found out you were gonna be Human, all happy and the  
new me. I remember saying one day to you that if I died then I would haunt you, well I'm  
gonna do just that. I'll be by you side fighting your battles, helping you with Angela and  
I'll find some way of letting you know I'm there. I could write this forever but I don't  
have that long. Now don't sit there and cry because trust me I am crying more than  
enough tears for the both of us. I can't say all I want to say cause I can't!! I want you to  
know one more thing. I loved you, I don't mean all that family lovey stuff, I truly loved you  
from the heart. I never told you, but I fell for you the time of the everlasting vision thing  
with that ugly guy. Now don't ever blame yourself for that OK, when I 'woke up' you  
told me you needed me and I realised how much I really felt for you. I guess I better go  
now. I have to Angela to the park, while I still can, so she can burn up all that energy.  
Only Three years old and she has way too much energy. I'm warning you, you better  
take care, good care of her. She's my link to you and vice versa. Come visit my grave  
sometime but I'll always remember you and what you did for me.  
More Love Than You Can Imagine,  
Your Cordy  
PS Don't give Angela Lucky Charms, she goes Hyper on you. I'm laughing now.  
Goodbye.  
  
Angel sat there the tears pouring from his eyes and running over the hands that  
covered his mouth. She had loved him. He sat there speechless, where was Dennis?   
"Wesley what happened to Gunn?"  
"Gunn, he committed suicide about three weeks after Cordelia died. He  
couldn't take another sister dying on him. Yeah him and Cordelia became close friends,  
never would have thought. I went to the warehouse, I hadn't seem him since she  
passed, and I found him lying in his bed with a bottle of sleeping pills and a bottle  
of scotch on the floor. I guess the grief was too much. I almost flipped myself,  
having to bury Cordelia first then Gunn. Angela is the only one that kept me going."  
Wesley said looking to his side at the sleeping child.  
"I've to take care of the both of you." He paused "Wesley, Cordelia said I  
should visit her grave, where is it?"  
"She wanted to be buried at a cove just outside the city. She and Angela  
used to go swimming out there in the summer. She loved it there. We used to take  
picnics and things. I still take Angela, she loves it. We can go out and see it if you  
like. Her parents came to the funeral and so did Buffy, Xander, Willow, Giles and  
Anya. Xander stayed for a few days then he had to go back to Sunnydale and fight.  
Somethings never change you know. Of course you would."  
"Yeah I would like that. Where's Dennis?"  
"He finished his unfinished business! There was a fire at the apartment and  
he saved Cordelias life. When the fire was out we went back and he was gone.  
Cordelia told me that he had whispered a goodbye before he pushed out of the  
door. I guess even the ghost has a time up."  
  
They climbed into Angels darkened car and headed for Cordelias Cove. The moon  
shone down on the water, it looked as if the water was silver not black. Her grave  
stone stood just up from the yellow sandy beach. Angels finger traced the  
inscription as if it would bring her back  
  
Cordelia Chase 1981-2005  
  
Warrior Of The Night,   
She Brought The Light.  
Determined With A Goal  
Gave The Dead A Soul  
  
From Those Whom You Loved  
  
A tear ran down Angels cheek, it was a clear as the day. A breeze smelling faintly  
of the vanilla and strawberry essence that Cordelia used to wear. Angel whispered a  
"Goodbye" as he stood and walked to the car. His peace filled him and life had a  
purpose again. Angela needed him just like he had, and still did need Cordelia.  
  
I'll Remember You  
You Will Be There In My Heart  
I'll Remember You  
That Is That I can Do  
But I'll Remember  
-Sophie Zelmani-  
  
~~FIN~~ 


End file.
